First of all, let's begin with the formalities. Blessed Christmas people! May this season brings warm and lotsa love from family and friends!
It's been an amazing year and although there were a few ups and downs, that is life right? As I always say, "Life goes on." 2015 had been one crazy year where I met new people, went to new places, tried out different things, been hit by life a few times, came back up stronger than before, and losing grandpapa. Thinking about this, it's my first christmas without someone I love, a Christmas without some important people in life and if I were to look further into next year, I can predict that the people that I spend christmas this year, might not be celebrating christmas with me next year. The people that was with me last year was not with me this year and I don't even know where are they in this whole wide world.
This is also the season where I tend to ponder on what I had done throughout the whole year. When christmas hits you, it means that the year is finally coming to an end. What have I done differently this year? What have I act or said or grown differently this year? Did I grow at all? Was I the same as last year? How was it for me last year? How will it be for me next year? There are just so many questions running in my head that I got so frustrated with all these thoughts running in my head.
I was driving just now when I suddenly felt the anxiety once again and boy- I hate it each time it hits me. I hate it how it grabs your heart and just pulled it down like a place with 9.8m/s^2. I hate how each time it happens, I have to keep it close to me so that others don't see that part of me. I know it is a valuable part of me and I should let some people in but- I doubt it will ever happen. Try to think about it, letting in someone who sees your valuable side and one day, or one year later, this person don't even know where you are. It's like giving someone a key to a room where you may not know when this person may come back and steal all the things in that particular room.
Aye aye. Eu is blabbering again huh? I'm sorry but... it's christmas right? Don't I get a little slack here? Besides, I am sure I am not the only one who feels like saying more on a day like this. It's like.. Hari raya for the muslims and chinese new year for the chinese? It's christmas for me. And... I feel like crying. Dayum.
Okay. It's a new day tomorrow and hopefully this season bug will leaves soon. I just want life to take over again and YOLO? Hah. Even this YOLO thing is running around in my head. What will you choose? Your heart or your brain? Will you do the thing that you love or will you do the thing which is right? What is right and what is wrong?
P/S: What do you do when you feel empty inside on a season like this?